I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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