Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
