In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
