hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize