Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
