Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
