When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
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