...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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