i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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