Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
