Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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