All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
