Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
