Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
