Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
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