I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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