Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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