my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize