He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
