I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize