I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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