i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
