we're blogging at a bar
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
