Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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