go do what you do best...puke behind churches
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
