You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
