Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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