I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
