Someone shit on the floor
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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