it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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