I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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