Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
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