8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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