Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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