Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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