Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
