take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
