Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
accomplished twins. life is a go
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
