Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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