Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
