I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
