ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
