i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
