super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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