you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
