I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
