Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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