Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She told me I should be a condom model.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
