Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
