did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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