so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize