I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
