11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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