U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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