Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
