Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
only if we run a train.
done.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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