He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
