Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
