i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
