i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
