Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
