32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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