Rock
Scissors
Fuck
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
