While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We left the knife in your bed.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
