You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
