I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You have to summon your inner elephant
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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