you guys were way drunker than both of me
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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