dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
