My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
