is your mom at the bar?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize