he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
