im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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