the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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