Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
A+ Viking dick
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
