trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
