how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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