I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
