You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We need a shit load of segways right now
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
