There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
