theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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