Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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