see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
