Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
