I feel like I'm in dance class right now
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize