I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
