How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
