Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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