saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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