god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
