i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
