Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
