i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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