Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Randomize
