I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
