I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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