I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
