What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
