We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
